So God’s been chatting to me a lot the past week and a bit. I’ve got a lot of things sorted in my head and also made some decisions.

I’ve been pretty frustrated the past few weeks in the way I’ve been feeling. I’m a little bit of a control freak and I like to be independent. I hate people having to do things for me, I hate feeling like I’m inconveniencing someone so will go out of my way to make sure people don’t have to. But the past 2 weeks I haven’t been capable of thinking for myself. Just no enthusiasm or drive to do anything. So with rehearsals I should have been planning the days and working out what needed doing and setting deadlines and leading the rehearsal sessions. But I just couldn’t do it and needed people to tell me what to do which I absolutely hated!

Last Weds (23rd) Matt and Jules Hollidge (check out their ministry Kore) came to take a session on Living a Christian Life, looking at where we get our values from and how to develop a life based on Biblical Values. I so wasn’t in the mood for it and wanted to be anywhere else but there.  But actually it was brilliant. I got so ridiculously challenged and spent the rest of the day processing my thoughts. Then the following morning during PTO (Personal Time Out) we were supposed to be looking at 1 Samuel 16 but I knew God had more to say to me! Was listening to Bluetree’s album (which is just incredible and I get so much out of it everytime I listen to it) and the lyrics of their song Burn Up just really hit me:

Help me live a life
Of love that pleases
My one desire
Is to see You lifted
To see You lifted
To see You lifted

Burn me up, Burn me up
Until all that’s seen
All that’s seen is You

Jesus You’re all
I’ve ever needed
Your joy will be
The strength I live by
The strength I live by
The strength I live by

Lead me on to the place
Where I’ll see You face to face
Where Your glory is revealed
Lead me on
Lead me on

So here’s what God’s been saying to me:
I rely so much on what people think of me. Practically everything I do, I’m thinking about what people will think of me and how to please them. But actually who do I want to please? If I spend this year pleasing the people on team, what happens next year when they are gone? Have I wasted a year of not doing what God wants me to do because I’ve got caught up in my own emotions?
I desperately want to do what God wants me to do and I really want to focus this year on putting my all into Viz and Diversion and being the best me I can to be most effective for Him. It’s gonna be hard but I don’t want to give in! I don’t want to look back and see wasted opportunities and kick myself for letting ME get in the way. Coz ultimately it’s all about Jesus and sharing Him with everyone I meet.

So now I’ve got my head round all that, my enthusiasm and my drive has come back. I’ve got my focus and I know what I need to be doing. So today I was able to throw myself into planning and rehearsing and I feel more like me! Poor Ben has been used to a laid back Laura, not anymore! He’s quickly learning to shut up when I’m talking now! So now a little frustrated that in some ways the past 4 weeks haven’t been effectively used rehearsal wise, but recognising I needed to go through that to be at the place I am now.

So now to make the most of all the time I have.

Tags: Bluetree, Chat, God, Kore, Matt and Jules, PTO, Rehearsals

It’s been a time of eventfulness since my last post!

Saturday 12th was the commissioning/celebration in London. We arrived early and set up in good time. It was really good to see SammyJ, Matt and Ollie again as well as some of the other Optimum Volunteers from last year. The service itself went well and everyone worked really well together on our first event!

Sunday I went to church with Tricia, first time of being at her church – LWCC. It was really good!! A really relaxed atmosphere, everyone was really friendly and I loved the fact that the children were allowed to run around, play instruments and make noise during the singing…basically allowed to be children! I felt free to worship and enjoyed the lady who spoke. Hopefully be able to go back again soon! Then we had a ‘last year’s touring team’ meal at the Toby Carvery in Brentwood. Unfortunately SammyJ and Ollie weren’t able to make it…but Matt was there! We had a good time together. Then myself and Keel got the train to Chelmsford, met Dan and Jeni and went to CGC in Chelmsford. Really enjoyed the worship and they had visiting missionaries from Brazil which was interesting! We went out to the pub after and then I got the train back to Braintree, met Ian from the days of getting the 352 to school…was good to catch up!

Monday was a rather difficult day. I don’t need to go into details but Lewis and I broke up.  It’s all amicable and everything, I guess we just both need some space for a bit.

The rest of the week was hard. I found it really difficult to concentrate and focus on what needed to be done. It was a week of rehearsing, training, meetings and lots of chatting and drinking coffee with people! Wednesday was a good relaxing day…Me and Becca went and got our hair cut while the boys went to PMT in Southend (Music Shop!) and then got their hair cut. We spent the afternoon putting blond in Jack’s hair and watching DVDs of Andy and Joy back in the day’s of Double Check. Some pretty hilarious outfits/hairstyles! Then dinner as a team at Andy and Joy’s house which was amazing! Friday we spent some time with Den, going through Abi and him giving directing advice which was brilliant. We only had 3 hours so only got through 5 scenes but could have spent so much longer!

My weekend was good. Saturday I met Becca for coffee in the morning, then Lois in Chelmsford for lunch (Boots Meal Deal in the Park…oh yes!) and good girlie chat! Also a bit of shopping…£3 DVDs in HMV is such a bad thing! And I bought the jumper dress I’ve been eyeing up in Peacocks for a while! Watched Strictly Come Dancing in the evening…it just annoyed me. Such a waste of 2hours. I love the dancing, its all the rubbish around it I can’t stand. Perhaps I’ll Sky+ it and then I can ffw all that stuff and it’ll be over in 20mins!

Sunday – Happy 40th Wedding Anniversary Mummy and Daddy!!!!!
Went to Shotgate Baptist in the morning as Lois was doing an interview about her time in Peru with fellow team member Matt. Russell and Becci and co picked me up from there and we went to the Green Dragon, Gt Leighs meeting up with the rest of the family to celebrate Mum and Dad’s Ruby Wedding Anniversary. We had a really lovely time, good food! Back to Mum and Dad’s for champagne, then Russell and Co dropped me back in Wickford on their way home!

This week is more rehearsing, training and meetings and our photoshoot on Wednesday!

Tags: 40th Wedding Anniversary, All About Abi, CGC, Champagne, Coffee, Commissioning, Green Dragon, Lois, LWCC, Rehearsals, Shotgate Baptist, Strictly Come Dancing

So the end of the first week.

It has taken some adjusting to but it’s great! We’ve spent the week in the office rehearsing, having training sessions, times of Bible study and prayer, as well as scheduling in personal time to pray and reflect.
Taste have been learning songs and Diversion have been re-writing and learning All About Abi.
We’ve bonded really quickly as a team, spending Weds and Thurs (Happy Birthday Ben!!!) evening together socially has really helped. I’m very excited to have another girl on team, me and Becca have already had a good girlie chat over coffee in the Bistro! We’re starting to create our own ‘in jokes’ as a team…but us second years can’t help boring the first years with stories and jokes from last year (we miss you guys!).
See the beautiful new team on my CIO Team page.

**So today in PTO (personal time out) we were looking at Romans 12. 20mins so isn’t long enough to process all that is in it! The bit that really got me was verse 10 – in the NIV it goes something like this ‘Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves.’ What does it mean to be devoted? How do I do that? In my every day life, how do I consistently honour everyone else above myself?**

Tags: All About Abi, Bible Study, Birthday, Bistro, CIO Team, Devoted, Diversion, First Week, Prayer, Rehearsals, Romans 12:10, Taste, Training